


Baseless confidence

by Biket



Series: HQ Spiker-Setter Week 2020 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Insecurity, Personal Growth, Shiratorizawa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:28:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26329396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biket/pseuds/Biket
Summary: Shirabu knew that it wasn’t his mistakes only that had led them to lose in this battle of stamina. He had made some, of that he was aware. But he wasn’t the only one and nobody was holding him responsible for it. They had lost as a whole, not as individuals.So why was he still feeling so angry?
Relationships: Shirabu Kenjirou & Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: HQ Spiker-Setter Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913206
Kudos: 7
Collections: Haikyuu: Spiker-Setter Week





	Baseless confidence

**Author's Note:**

> It's Spiker-Setter week first day - Struggle!  
> I'll stick with Shiratorizawa's setters & spikers for this week for short one-shots, I hope you'll like it!

Everybody hated losing, it was a universal truth.

Losing wasn’t a good experience even though it allowed the players to learn from their mistakes and be better. But emotionally? It was hell, at least when the game mattered to you. And there were losses that mattered just a little too much. Losing on your own was always hard, especially since you couldn’t have any moral support from supposed teammates at least not while still standing on the court. This was one of the perks of playing in a team sport, like volleyball. You weren’t alone in case of a loss. You wouldn’t be carrying the burden of it alone, all your teammates would be there to share the blame, to support you through it.

Shirabu knew that. It was obvious, basic knowledge, really.

He knew they had lost as a team, that it wasn’t his mistakes only that had led them to lose in this battle of stamina. He had made some, of that he was aware. But he wasn’t the only one and nobody was holding him responsible for it. They had lost as a whole, not as individuals. He wasn’t at fault, he wasn’t responsible, not entirely.

So why was he still feeling so angry?

The entire bus ride back to their school complex had been deadly silent, as if the slightest word could have destroyed their stoic facade. Goshiki had been crying at first but the tears never softened their coach's sharp critics and the first year had stopped. Had they been going back to their dorms after a victory, Shirabu would have fought with him. Instead, he had stayed silent next to Kawanishi.

Even when they had stepped into the gymnasium to do the hundred serves they were asked - ordered would be more exact - to practice, anyone could have felt the thick tension in the air. Even Tendou didn’t crack any jokes which was unusual and kind of disturbing. But it didn’t matter, not to Shirabu. He had focused on doing his serves, ignoring the ache in his fingers, the soreness of his legs, and the numbness of his own brain. He couldn’t allow himself to falter.

After a while, everyone had begun to pack their things and go back to the dorms after stretching for a bit. But Shirabu stayed. He couldn’t leave, not with their match replaying in his mind, his bad decisions highlighted by his perfectionist brain. Once he was finally alone, he took a few balls and went to face the wall. He started tossing and tossing again, even though his legs hurt like hell. Shirabu was feeling like his body was about to give up but he couldn’t allow himself to stop. He had to do better. 

He had to _be_ better. 

For the team. 

The ball slipped between his hands as his attention flickered, distracted by both his mind and his weariness. 

“Fuck!” he shouted. Shirabu flinched immediately at the sound of his own voice. He shouldn’t have yelled. It was stupid, he was being stupid. But knowing it didn’t make it any easier. He hadn’t felt this frustrated in so long. Coming to Shiratorizawa had always felt like the right choice and he still felt like that. He truly loved the team no matter how much he would bicker with every one of his teammates and more importantly, he loved the feeling of winning. Of being the perfect link between the ball and the other players. 

But this time, he had failed because of his arrogance, because a first-year middle blocker had been better than _him_.

“Is everything okay?”

Shirabu jumped. _Who the f-_

Ushijima.

Oh, so he wasn’t alone after all. Great. 

“Never better,” he responded sarcastically, too tired to care. He knew he should show more respect but he shrugged it off almost too easily, thinking it was just another one of his mistakes for the day. 

“Why are you still practicing?” Ushijima asked. If Shirabu hadn’t paid close attention, he would have missed the slight furrow in his captain’s brows.

“My tosses were shit today.” He shrugged. “I thought I’d train some more.” The setter gave a defiant look to his captain, almost daring him to say anything about how foolish he was.

And of course, Ushijima did. 

“Your tosses won’t be of any good right now.” 

The words hung in the air for a moment, imprinting on Shirabu's mind, hurtful. He knew Ushijima was the blunt type. He also knew he had some difficulties with social interactions, what could be said or not, the entire team knew that and they all did their best to be understanding. But right now, all Shirabu could think of, was how unfair it was. 

“Wow, thanks.” _Shut up Shirabu._

When he looked up to his captain, Shirabu noticed he didn’t seem fazed by his attitude. Maybe it wasn’t the first time he was confronted with a sarcastic kouhai who didn’t know his place, though he couldn’t imagine Kawanishi acting like that. Maybe living in the same building as Tendou had desensitized Ushijima to it all. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. You are tired. You should go back with the others,” he added, still with his expressionless face. 

Shirabu gritted his teeth. What did he mean then? He wanted his tosses to be good right here, right now. He had wanted it to be good four hours ago when the team had needed it the most. They should have won but he had made a stupid mistake. He knew it wasn’t all his fault but still. He couldn’t help but think that if maybe, _maybe_ , he hadn’t fallen for Glasses’ trap they could have won some more points. And that would have been enough to win the game and go to nationals.

He wanted to go to nationals with this team and the simple idea of his senpais graduating without making their annual appearance in the sport-event was sickening to Shirabu. They should have won. _But we didn’t._

He clenched his fists and gave Ushijima a determined look.

“Next year we’ll go to nationals again. We’ll make you proud of us.”

Internally, he cringed at his own words. Why did he feel the need to say that? He was quite sure it was expected of them to win next year, they had no other choice, they were a powerhouse for fuck’s sake. 

“I have no doubt about it,” Ushijima said.

_And oh my god is that a smile on his face?_

“I thought you hated baseless self-confidence,” Shirabu said flatly after a minute of silence. 

The smile on Ushijima’s face only grew larger. _That’s weird._

“Your self-confidence isn’t baseless.”

And if it was tears that Shirabu felt coming to his eyes as Ushijima turned and left the gym, it was no one’s business.

**Author's Note:**

> I love to write parallels even if it's just a line of dialogue c:


End file.
